


Baby, it's Cold Outside

by doodnoice



Category: South Park
Genre: Explicit Language, F/M, Female Reader, Gift fic for tumblr friend, Humanvault, Multi, Other, PWP, Reader-Insert, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-09 01:20:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5520128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doodnoice/pseuds/doodnoice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When your car breaks down during a freak blizzard, you’re forced to seek shelter at the closest place available, which just so happens to be Craig’s house. And it wouldn’t be so bad, if not for the fact that you and Craig used to date, and not only that, but Kenny, your longtime love interest, is also there. It’s going to take more than a Christmas miracle to save you from this mess.<br/>-<br/>Craig/Reader/Kenny<br/>(Gift-fic for tumblr friend Humanvault)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Baby, it's Cold Outside

**Author's Note:**

> Everyone mentioned is 18+

You don’t believe in bad luck, but when your car breaks down during the most intense winter storm you’ve ever experienced in South Park, you try to remember if you have recently walked under any ladders, or crossed paths with a black cat. Of course, this is entirely your fault—you knew your car needed a new battery, and you heard the winter storm watch when you went to drop your parents off at the airport this morning, but you still didn’t think it was going to be all that bad. Obviously, you were wrong.

It doesn’t help that the visibility constitutes for whiteout conditions. Maybe you should have taken that plane to Kauai with your parents, after all… “Crap.” You say, resting your forehead against the leather of your steering wheel to stare blankly at your jean clad thighs.

You know you can’t stay in your car to wait out the storm. You didn’t have any provisions besides the half eaten fruit bar you have stuffed in your cup holder, and you don’t have anything to keep you warm save for the clothes on your back. You’re lucky that your car stalled next to a row of houses, you’re just not sure whose they are with how badly disoriented the blizzard has you.

After deciding to approach the house closest to you, you tuck your hair into your jacket hood, and tie the draw strings in a small bow to secure it tightly to your head. From there, you jump out of your car, and make a mad dash to the previously chosen house, but it becomes increasingly difficult with how hard the wind is fighting against you.

When you finally reach the stranger’s porch, you immediately ring the doorbell. You think you hear a faint “who the fuck is that?” through the door, but can’t be for sure since the wind is so loud. And, by now, you’ve been standing outside for all of five seconds, but you’re not wearing clothing even remotely suitable for the weather you’re being forced through, and to be quite honest, you’re not in the mood to freeze to death.

You go to ring the doorbell, again, this time with the intent of making yourself known, but then you notice the address and immediately feel your heart drop into your stomach. You’re in the process of turning on your heel and sprinting back to your car when Craig opens the door, his usual expression of absolutely nothing bringing back memories you’d rather forget.

Still, the warmth exuding from his home is enough of an argument to stay, even if you have to swallow your pride to do so. You smile and wave at Craig, feeling entirely fake and just a bit awkward in doing so, “Hey, Craig.” A casual greeting that sounds so forced that you might as well have had a gun pressed to the back of your head. You swallow, and try again, “Long time, no see, huh?”

Craig just looks at you, tilts his head back and sighs before stepping to the side and motioning you inside. “Whatever, just hurry up.” He says.

You would be lying if you said that Craig wasn’t already pissing you off with his “I don’t care” attitude, but you wouldn’t exactly be a “bitchy ex-girlfriend” if he didn’t manage to piss you off without even trying—but, maybe you should leave the trash talking to Craig and his posse.

Gritting your teeth, you don’t even bother to mumble a “thanks”, knowing he wouldn’t accept it; you didn’t want to waste your breath. Instead, you busy yourself with removing your cold, damp hoodie and shoes.

When you look up, Craig is standing by the door, staring at you, and you kind of want to ask him what the hell he’s looking at, but at the same time you don’t want to make the situation any worse than what it already is, so you politely smile at him and open your mouth to politely curse him out, but before you can get out a single syllable, Kenny walks down the stairs and all your thoughts go straight out of the damn window.

He doesn’t notice you at first, too distracted by wood steps, until he looks up. He grins and you feel a blush creep up your cheeks. Craig scoffs, and you turn to glare at him as he walks to the couch. “What?” you say, no longer willing to hide your irritation for the sake of civility.

“Could you be any more obvious, or are you planning on putting up a neon pink sign?” Craig says, ridiculing you with absolute venom dripping with every word.

“Do you have a problem with me, Craig?” your eyes narrow, wanting him to say something else, so you can get this impending argument shit out of the way, and go back to not talking for years like the good old days.

Craig scoffs, “No, of course not. That would imply that you’re important enough to have a problem with, and I’m not going to boost your ego more than what it already is.”

“Whoa,” Kenny says, holding his hands up in mock surrender as he goes to stand next to you, “What the fuck did I just walk into?”

“Your next one-night stand, apparently.” You reply, rolling your eyes.

Kenny chuckles and leans down to your ear, “Is that an offer, because I’d be happy to accept..?”

You smile, and laugh a little bit at his joke, but when you turn to look up at him to say something equally flirtatious and smart, you pause, noting the dark lure of his smile and pseudo-innocent lick of his lips. You feel yourself get excited, much to your own embarrassment, but try to act normal. “Aha, yeah…”

“Really?” Kenny seems taken aback by your response, and you think you’ve done the exact opposite of what you wanted, because you can feel Craig’s eyes on the side of your face.

Blushing, you cough and shake your head, “No! No. Not really.”

Craig groans and flips you both off, but you’ve learned well enough by now to not to take it personal since you’re ninety-percent sure it’s just his reaction to anything even remotely irritating to him—which you’re one-hundred-percent sure is most things.

And then the lights go out, leaving all three of you in total darkness… No joke, your first thought is that maybe now you can murder Craig without Kenny knowing. But, then again, you are wearing your favorite t-shirt, and what a waste that would be to get his blood all over it.

Okay, so that’s probably an exaggeration; you would never be able to kill Craig, but if you both were being chased by a serial killer wielding a knife, you might trip him to give yourself more time to get away.

Someone grabs your arm, and even though you know it’s just you, Kenny and Craig, you still jump. Kenny laughs, “Relax,” he starts, rubbing your suddenly very tense shoulder with his thumb, “You’re not scared of the dark, are you?”

You hum and tilt your neck to the side subconsciously as he works the tight muscle in your neck loose, his other hand going to do the same with the other side of your neck. You don’t notice you’ve been standing in the pitch blackness with Kenny at your back giving you the massage of a lifetime until Craig shoves a box filled with candles and a portable battery-powered heater into your arms.

“What the hell?” you growl, almost going to throw the box back at him until Kenny pulls you back into his chest with a hug and leans down to your ear.

“Easy there, before you drop everything.” Kenny chuckles and kisses the top of your head, causing you to completely forget what you were going to do, allowing him to grab the box from your hand and walk into the living room with a loud crisis adverted and a comfortable silence in the air.

Kenny McCormick is smooth as hell.

-

By the time all the candles are lit and the heater is turned on, the house has gone cold and you along with it.

“How did it get so freezing so quickly?” you say, not really asking for an answer, but in obvious smart-ass fashion, receive one anyway from none other than Mr. Can’t-Keep-His-Mouth-Shut, Craig Tucker.

“Maybe it’s the presence of your soul that keeps it from getting warm in here.” Craig nods to the heater and then to you, with an expression as if he was explaining something as simple as how to spread butter on wheat bread to a moron. “Your soul is a black hole.”

“Yeah I got it, asshole.” You growl, leaning forwards as if to emphasize how close you are and how willing you would be to reaching the few inches away he was and choking the life out of his listless, beady eyes.

Kenny, having already been subject to your bickering for about forty minutes, cuts off any chance of rebuttal with a proposal, "How about you both stop arguing like fucking children, and do something productive like help stay warm?"

Craig flips Kenny off under his blanket, and even though you can't really see it, you know that's what he did. You just fucking know it. 

"How do you suppose we do that, dipshit?" Craig asks, but it's not really a question, just a set up for another one of his inane insults. "You want us to huddle up together like a group of fucking penguins? I'm not touching that," he leans his head towards you and you lean away from him with your brows furrowed in disgust, "You couldn't pay me enough to touch that with a ten-wheeler."

"That's not exactly what I had in mind..." Kenny admits, and there's a suggestive lilt in his voice that you're not sure that you like. 

Craig yawns, "Alright, I'll bite; what did you have in mind?"

With a grin almost wolfish in nature, Kenny chuckles darkly, "How about a quickie, right here, right now. I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that that's one of the easiest ways to keep warm in the cold."

"Wait, what?!" You yell, your face flushing red. "I can't believe--"

"I'm game." Craig says eyeing you with suddenly a lot more than just irritation.

You turn to look at Craig, then Kenny, then Craig, again. "What? You're fucking serious?"

Craig nods, "Yeah, I'm serious. Ever since you got here, I've been wound up."

Kenny chimes in, "It's really up to you, though. I mean, we're not going to do anything unless you want to."

You blink, dumbfounded, "Wow, uh... Am I in the real world, or did that power outage transport me to a different dimension?"

"Alright, we offered." Kenny says, "We can play a game, or something inst--"

"Wait!" You shout, feeling embarrassed, but also, admittedly, kind of turned on.

But, you couldn't be blamed. Both Kenny and Craig--yes, even Craig--are attractive in their own right, but knowing they want to have sex with you presumably at the same time? Maybe the universe is trying to make up for your shitty car breaking down, and as far as you're concerned, it's working.

"Yes?" Kenny says, like he knows what you're going to say, but wants to hear it from you first.

You cover your eyes as you speak, hoping that this isn't just some sick joke, because you might actually burst into tears if it is and you ask what you're going to ask. "Am I going to be the 'main focus', or..."

Kenny looks at Craig who looks back at him and they both share a laugh--well, Kenny laughs, Craig sort of just scoffs. 

"Wouldn't have it any other way." Kenny replies, and you feel both special and extremely nervous, but you can't back down, now. You're already too far deep.

"Okay, I accept."

You've never really seen grins more threatening and arousing in your entire life.

 

***-**

 

When all you have are your panties, and you're on all fours being watched by two extremely attractive men who are just in their boxers, you tend to feel a little self-conscious.

But, before you can dwell on it too much,  Kenny kneels down behind you, quickly setting the pace for what is to come. Running his knuckles along the damp line of heat through your panties, Kenny grins, enjoying the way you're already responding to his touch. The sounds you try to hold back are just barely audible gasps and hiccups, and it's just so cute how embarrassed you are, but he wants so badly for you to let go. 

Slowly, Kenny slides your panties down to your knees, and trails a single finger up between the soaked folds of your opening. When you hiss and buck against his hand, Kenny knows he finally has you like puddy in his hands.

"You like that?" Kenny asks, voice husky and low as he prods your wetness, just barely inserting a digit before pulling out and down to run circles around your clit.

"Yes!" You say, rubbing yourself back against Kenny, trying desperately to get him to fingerfuck you hard and rough until you're coming and begging him to stop and keep going, because it just feels so good.

"Shit..." Kenny murmurs. He's not going to be able to draw this out like he wants to, you're practically dripping onto the floor, your thighs drenched in your juices. Kenny feels heat surge down to his cock the moment he slips his finger into you, so gently and smoothly, coercing a groan from your soft lips. 

Craig, who had been simply observing, sits down on the couch in front of you with a toothy grin bordering on predatory."Maybe this will get you to stay quiet for a little bit..." Craig smirks, palming his straining member through his boxers.

You whimper, feeling yourself get lost in pleasure as Kenny inserts one more finger in you, this time moving in tandem with the thumb brushing against your clit.

You bite back a moan, but clamour closer to Craig, anticipation urging you farther away from rational sense, and for the life of you, you can't understand why you want Craig and Kenny so badly, but you do. 

Craig spreads open his legs, one hand having pulled out his cock to grip and stroke his hardness as he watches you arch your back and cry out his and Kenny’s names, tears gathering at the corners of your eyes at how fervent you are. And Craig just can’t stop himself when he moves closer to you, until his length is just inches away from your parted, eager lips. He grins, panting, “You really think you can handle both of us at the same time?

You nod your head, lust clouding your good decision making skills with the promise of being so incredibly filled. You nearly come at the thought. Craig runs his hand through your hair and tugs in the same moment that Kenny curls his fingers up and twists. In an instant, you come undone, keening and rolling yourself against Kenny’s hand.

When you finally fall down from your high, Craig leads your mouth to the dripping head of his dick, almost jumping back when you take half of his entire length in one go. “Holy fuck.” Craig laughs breathlessly, and Kenny, who is now kneeling behind you with one hand pumping his own hardness chuckles, too.

“You ready?” Kenny asks you, rubbing the tip of his cock up and down between your glistening folds. You squirm, whining, although you can hardly beg with your mouth full, but Kenny understands you just fine.

Without any hesitation, Kenny grabs your thighs, spreads them wider and slams into you, setting a rough and steady rhythm. “Oh, fuck yes,” Kenny groans, one hand keeping your shaky hips in pace with his thrusts while the other reaches down to rub circles into your aching clit.

You writhe and moan, sucking Craig’s hot length harder until you feel his fingers tighten in your hair. “Shit!” Craig growls through grit teeth as he looks down at you, his eyes half-lidded and pupils blown wide. “God, you’re so fucking beautiful.”

Whimpering, you feel yourself edging closer to your climax, the heat and pleasure mixing together into an overwhelming pressure in your gut. You feel yourself linger on the cusp of coming again, and try to warn Kenny, but it’s a little difficult with Craig fucking your mouth so thoroughly.

“Ah, fuck!” Kenny stills inside of you, thrusting shallowly and slowly to try and stave off the inevitable, but you’re so tight and wet coming around him like that and god, he wishes he could last longer, but he’s too turned on to keep in control. Quickening his pace, Kenny mercilessly rams into your overstimulated heat, until you’re drooling around Craig’s cock and crying out with each bruising thrust of Kenny’s hips.

Craig growls your name as he comes, his hot seed spilling onto your tongue and down your throat. You swallow every drop, still panting and quivering as Kenny continues to assault your swollen wetness, faster and faster, until he jerks against you, giving two final hard thrusts before he releases wetly on the insides of your thighs.

When it’s over, your limbs are so weak you would have fallen on your face if not for Kenny holding you and Craig stroking your cheek lovingly. You moan softly when Kenny uses his old shirt to help clean you up. Afterwards, Craig scoops you up in his arms and carries you into his bedroom.

You don’t know how exactly tomorrow is going to turn out, because of what happened, but decide you don't care. Lying between Kenny and Craig, underneath warm sheets, satisfied, sore and completely happy makes sense in the right now. So, you cuddle into them both, with your head on Kenny’s chest and your hand tightly clutched in Craig’s hand, thinking with a tired smile that winter storms aren't actually all that bad.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun Trivia: Originally, I was going to make this about camping, but then I thought about winter storms and did some research about them (which is hopefully right, even though it has the potential to be completely wrong considering I got most of the information from a website named something like "coolweatherfactz4kidz"). Also, near the end, I almost made the final statement something like "not all winter storms are bad", but immediately thought of the hashtag "not all men" and couldn't bring myself to leave it on a joke of that caliber (something, something, may-mays Shakira's hips Pepe).
> 
> Anyway, thanks, Vault! Hope your holidays are well, and hope you enjoyed this fic. :o)


End file.
